anniversary Archives - Rachael's Centre

I, like most people in the world at this moment, am spending more time at home. One of the things I’m doing is cleaning out closets and looking in old boxes that have been stored away. In one of those boxes, I came across a gift I had given my husband on our first anniversary. It was a mirror for his keychain. One side had the mirror, but the other side had the gift: the message I wanted to communicate. It said: “I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame you.”

Over the anniversaries, I have continued to gift my husband little mementos of my ‘truths’. For a few years he liked white chocolate, but I would buy him dark chocolate and leave it in his pocket with a note that white chocolate is really chocolate that is confused about its self-identity and I could not support such thinking. He has since developed a taste for dark chocolate.

I also found a small wooden plaque in the box that says: “I love you more today than yesterday –yesterday you really ticked me off!’ I’m a strong believer in clear communication.

Anniversaries are often celebrated as milestones of past events, markers of history. But, they can also be opportunities of focused growth and insight beyond what we thought we knew from before. Reading the Torah every week is no different.

This Shabbat, we start reading the Torah again from the beginning with parshat Bereishit. Genesis, the beginning, Adam, Eve, snake, trees, disobedience and accountability are all introduced to us as we learn of the human condition. Yet, when we look closely at the text, we start to notice that certain details are missing that we all assumed were there.

We usually understand that God commanded Adam and Eve not to eat from the Tree of Knowledge. Except, Eve wasn’t created when God forbid eating from that tree, only Adam was commanded not to do that. Maybe, we assume, what’s commanded for one is commanded for all, except Jewish law doesn’t work that way. Also, the commandment to be fruitful and multiply was given to Adam before Eve was created and Jewish law holds that for that reason men are commanded to have children while women are not. That’s why the legal Jewish discussion surrounding birth control always asks whether we are discussing it for a man or for a woman, since they do not have equal obligation to that commandment. In other words, if the commandments before Eve was created are only obligatory on Adam, why do we assume Eve broke a commandment by eating from the Tree of Knowledge?

We not only assume she broke the commandment, we go further and lay ALL the blame on her. She brought death into the world, since God said that the day Adam eats from the Tree of Knowledge he will die. Over time, this idea gets linked to a woman’s menstruation — she will have a monthly reminder that it is because of her that blood is shed in this world. There are some communities that slap a young girl across the face when she has her first period. Let me be clear, there is no justification for this within Judaism, but young girls have been slapped across the face globally, and within various faith and secular communities, for generations. The shame of spilling blood has been branded onto the cheeks of girls in a horrible custom of blame.

Interestingly, Adam was told that because he ate the fruit, he would have to toil the earth for food, but there’s no custom to hit a man in the face when he brings in his first harvest. Somehow, Eve has been held as more accountable than Adam even though she never received that particular ‘thou shalt not’ in the first place.

The constant blame attached to the woman would lead us back into the text to see if, perhaps, Eve was as guilty as history has made her. The Torah states that when God responded to Adam, Eve and the snake for what each had done, God is very specific with only Adam and the snake. God tells the snake: “because you have done this thing”, and God tells Adam: “because you ate of the tree”, but when God addresses Eve, there is no mention of what exactly she has done. There is no ‘because you…’ statement addressed to Eve, she is just told of the changes that will now occur. It is informational not accusatory. The Torah has neither obligated the woman, nor punished her, for anything specific that happened in the Garden, but throughout time, millions upon millions of girls are taught to pay Eve’s price and bear her shame.

In fact, if we’re looking for who to blame for all of it, it seems no one is ready to accept accountability for anything. When asked what happened, Eve tells God that the snake enticed her. The snake isn’t asked anything, he’s already proved himself a liar, and you don’t ask a proven liar to testify to anything since you are setting them up to lie again–that’s on you. When Adam is asked what happened, he tells God that ‘the woman YOU gave me…’ which is an incredibly bold way of saying that, in fact, the whole thing is God’s fault since it was God’s idea to create Eve, who was enticed by the snake, who was also God’s idea. So, if God’s looking for someone to blame…

We thought we knew that story inside and out. Adam and Eve eat, are punished, are exiled and we learn about sin, repentance and accountability for our actions from then on. Except, the Torah never says they sinned, it isn’t blaming Eve for anything, no one is accepting any accountability and the only one humanity blames for anything is God. Exactly which story did we think we knew?

We live in a world that fills us with ideas, traditions, artwork and ‘truths’ that claim to be from the Bible. The first chapters of Genesis contain one of the most commonly known narratives in Torah and yet, on close reading, it might not be saying what we thought all along. Starting to read the Torah from Genesis this Shabbat is the Jewish anniversary of our Torah study year. It is not an anniversary where we hit ‘repeat’ to read it again, it is the anniversary to read it anew.

If you would like to learn more about this story in the Torah and Rachael’s commentary on what truly took place, consider taking The Garden of Eden: The Best of Times and The Worst fo Times. The next course begins Tuesday November 3rd. More information on our Learning Page.

This week my husband and I celebrated our wedding anniversary. We shared a lovely dinner and talked about our memories, our kids, our life journeys, how we never imagined we would be together through a pandemic and how lucky we are that we like each other. A relative posted one of our wedding pictures on social media with anniversary wishes —we look so young and innocent…and so well dressed.

I got my wedding gown from a wholesale factory in the garment district (apparently buying retail was simply not done back in the day). I showed them the dress I wanted from a magazine, they took my measurements and told me I could pick up the dress two days before the wedding. It all sounded good to me. Once I had the dress I was told I now need shoes to go with it, a veil that matches, which of course needs the part that covers my face. Once I have the veil worked out, I needed to decide on the headpiece for the veil…that would need to go with the dress… and the shoes… and the veil. Now let’s talk flowers for the bouquet! I will be holding a bouquet that needs to go with the dress…and the shoes…and the veil…

The bridesmaids needed dresses and shoes and bouquets and all the bells and whistles. Only problem was, anyone who knows me knows that I am not someone who enjoys getting involved in all these details —I was thrilled with showing the picture in the magazine, getting measured and picking up the dress just before I needed it. I like simplicity that leads to simplicity. Most of life never happens that way.

In this week’s Torah portion, Shoftim, Israel is told about what happens when the nation decides it wants a king. There are particular laws in place to describe what the king can’t do. First and foremost, the king can never be a foreigner and must always be accountable to the same laws of Torah that defines the people. In fact, the king must write his own Torah scroll so he has shaped every word, every sentence. Interestingly, the king is prohibited from taking too many horses and too many wives.

Of all things to prohibit, horses and wives aren’t what instantly come to mind. But when we pull back for the bigger picture, we realize the brilliance of the prohibition and the definition it provides. Heads of government who work efficiently, quickly understand that you do not waste resources. If I have horses, I need chariots; if I have chariots, I need warriors to drive them; if I have horses, chariots and warriors, I need campaigns to engage them. Armed campaigns build territory and territory acquisition builds empires. Limit the horses and you limit your army which will limit your expansion toward empire. In other words, thrive in Israel but don’t let a king become an empire builder, that’s not what covenant is about.

Similarly, kings take wives to build political alliances and not because they are in true romantic love with each wife and build personal relationships with them. Each wife is an alliance with her family, her nation and her king. Wives are political chess pieces. The more wives, the more alliances, the more strategic complexity for when you expand your territory (all those horses) and build your empire.

When we think of Jewish leadership, as described in this week’s parshah, we understand that the details in the Torah speak of the vision and its definition, and they are now essential to the picture. Covenant details the Jewish relationship with the land of Israel and the society we build there. It also lets us know of the temptations and human inclination towards ego, grandeur and expansion. Limit the horses, limit the wives and thrive.

Just before my wedding anniversary this year I took out my wedding gown and changed the hanger and garment bag. There was a tag hanging on the inside I had never noticed before. It was a handwritten note with numbers of some code dressmakers use to communicate something. I was intrigued, I stared and turned myself inside out trying to decipher the code. It suddenly hit me, these were the measurements they had taken of me all those years ago. I gasped…sat for a moment before looking in the mirror and had to laugh. I realized that the dress needed the shoes and the veil to grow into the outfit that I would never fit into again and that my marriage had grown into my family that fits me so beautifully.

The growth of something allows for the imagination to fly high with possibilities. Most of us are empowered to reach beyond, personal growth should be limitless but a leader’s growth requires boundaries. The Torah shows us that the balance within power sits in the defined limits that stop unimpeded growth before it starts.

Parshat Bereishit: Happy Anniversary!

Parshat Shoftim: The Torah, the King, the Horses and the Wives